Jim Bob's Bait Shop

I still have a blog?

2010-04-23T13:18:00.000-07:00

In the largest "To Catch A Predator" ever announced, Pope Benedict XVI invites 400,000+ Catholic priests to The Vatican to "rally."

Oddly enough, "Islamofascism" may actually be a completely accurate term.

In a move that can only be met with calm and rational debate, Belgium lawmakers consider public ban on face covering burqas.

10 things the internet has ruined. Productivity conspicuously missing from list.

Military completing test of airships they believe will give them a decisive advantage in future conflicts. This can only end well.

FedEx: When you absolutely, positively, must get your dolphins there overnight.

Are you happy, sex abuse victims? You've ruined the pope's birthday.

German troops in Afghanistan call on Angela Merkel to explain why they're at war. The one damn major war the Germans fought in the past 100 years, THIS is the one they dissagreed with?

Notes on Texas and more.

2010-02-19T00:25:00.000-08:00

I've been out of Fort Jackson (but not in my unit) for a little while, but now have met with my actual unit and came back home for a little while to move our stuff to the scenic town of Fort Hood, TX. Some things I've learned about Texas:

It is apparently state law to put a gate out front of your home or business.

Everyone is either rich or poor, and the rich have even worse looking houses than the poor.

If you want to see where people go when they officially fail in life itself, take a look around the Dallas Greyhound bus station at about 3 in the morning.

I'll be around till probably a couple days into next week. In the meanwhile:

Upside: you're living in the second most affordable city in the nation. Downside: it's Detroit

Let's throw a "ghetto-themed" Black History party on campus. What could possibly go wrong?

"After about a year, the white worms dig through the body towards the skin, releasing chemicals to burn the flesh and then spewing thousands of larvae as they exit"

The Castleford Area Voice for the Elderly has been successful at preventing the politically correct renaming of a Victorian landmark . "I feel we should never alter names, and Tickle Cock has a very clear message behind it"

The 10 worst best picture Oscar winners of all time... Hey... Forrest Gump is a classic, dammit.

Taliban fighters running out of ammo, despite all the bullets and bombs being sent their way

"Operation: Iraqi Freedom" to become "Operation: New Dawn", be even tougher on hard grease

List of America's most miserable cities is in and... congrats Cleveland, Stockton and Memphis... you officially suck more than Detroit.

More or Less Back in the Game (Maybe?)

2009-11-08T11:19:00.000-08:00

Taking advantage of the weekend to try and post stuff. Currently in Ft Jackson, undergoing Paralegal training and learning to fill out paperwork that I hope I'm never on the other end of in my lifetime (UCMJ paperwork). Actually not that hard a course, but then again, combat engineer school wasn't that hard either, and it involved setting up explosive systems.

In other news, explosives are rarely issued to combat engineers in Iraq anymore. I cannot possibly think why.

Anyways:

Friday's Horrible Movie of the week

2009-10-09T20:37:00.000-07:00

For this week, I chose something I like to call:

It's about a spaceship with two alien rug monsters crashing into rural California, causing death and destruction wherever a couple of guys under a rug can go.

Speaking of death and destruction,

Besides terrible writing and acting, it also has a runaway narrator who covers over missing dialogue audio, which happens, alot.

For the record, this is my favorite movie to see in an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000.

Breaking "Puppy Man" News in USF-Tampa lockdown

2009-10-05T13:19:00.000-07:00

-According to new reports. Puppy Man had just came back from a hunting trip and had just chosen a bad moment and place to be really creepy.

-Also, the campus just got the all clear. I'll let ya'll know what is up when the the cops get done roughing the other guy for answers.

Breaking Weird Ass News

2009-10-05T12:45:00.000-07:00

I'm sure everyone has heard about the USF-Tampa lockdown situation, and that a suspect has been arrested, but there has apparently been reports from USF students that the Campus's alert network has put out word to be on a lookout for another suspect:

"FWD: Tampa Campus- white male suspect seen in the Cooper Hall area in a black tank top, cowboy hat carrying large puppy and a large hunting knife- Officers enro(en route)"

I'm not making this up. As I'm typing, my roommate (from the Tampa metro area) is getting texts about it from everyone back home.

All I know is I'm praying for the puppy.

News You Can't Possibly Use

2009-10-04T16:03:00.000-07:00

For a more efficient service, please alight at the next stop where a team of heavily drugged sloths will drag you to your destination.

Your panhandling permit, please?

1100 Pills of E? Check. 32 grams of coke? Check. Xanax, marijuana and crack? Check. Zero prison time because it was the judge's son? Check.

Senior citizens to get discounts at brothels to celebrate Seniors Week. Next week's followup: Sudden spike in heart attacks and strokes among Australian men aged over 60.

Much like their football team, Detroit's dead can't even afford to get buried with dignity.

Real estate company sues Steve McNair's widow for back rent on mistress' apartment.

Homeowner holds intruder at gunpoint. Cops respond to 911 call, shoot homeowner (still on phone with 911 operator) four times in the back, then twice more when he was on the ground. Bonus: 911 tape records cops planning the cover-up.

Sunday's... Friday's Movie of the Week?

2009-10-04T15:17:00.000-07:00

Wow, I messed up, I usually count down to doing this post, but I let you all down. Don't worry, I'll just give you all a clip of some people who let us all down:

Troll 2

Not only are the acting and effects terrible, but the script was actually written by people who spoke English as a second language, so they've got that going for them, which is nice.

The Hawaii Chair

2009-09-29T15:07:00.000-07:00

If you actually buy one of these, you officially fail at life.

Whisky Tango Foxtrot...

2009-09-29T12:21:00.000-07:00

I found this little jewel on the internets just now, and had to post it immediately:

This would be merely ridiculous, except how similar in form it sounds to one of my church's intercessory "Prayers of the Church" (where the congregation replies to the pastor's each prayer with "Hear our prayer.")

Creepy stuff.

News You Can't Possibly Use

2009-09-28T10:23:00.000-07:00

A 60 Minutes - Vanity Fair poll shows that Walmart best symbolizes America. With a pic of what George Clooney might look like.

Man arrested after getting into a fight with a statue of a goose and punching it in the head. Alcohol may have been a factor.

Thieves looking for a buzz steal a big bag full of hemp buds from biologist's research farm. Hemp, not marijuana - let us know how that works out for you.

Senator Robert Byrd is in the hospital. I sure hope he's okkkay.

2004: Shoe Bomber. TSA: "Remove your shoes, Citizen."
2006: Liquid Bomber. TSA: "No water for you, Citizen."
2009: Body-cavity Bomber. TSA: "Bend over, Citizen"

Friday's Horrible Movie of the Week

2009-09-25T14:37:00.001-07:00

"Hobgoblins: They'll make you party 'till you drop... dead"

News You Can't Possibly Use

2009-09-24T17:13:00.001-07:00

Undercover cops storm drug dealer's house, then get a Wii bit distracted (w/ video).

Ten deceptive restaurant tricks, including topping off that pitcher of Coors Light with soda water because you'll never notice the difference.

"It's a great victory for Spotted Dick and for everyone who makes it."

UN unanimiously votes to rid the world of nuclear weapons. Well, that's that then.

News You Can't Possibly Use

2009-09-19T12:52:00.000-07:00

Burglar leaves his Facebook page on victim's computer

Ranking of world's highest BAC test scores. Lithuanians take two of the top spots, but they can't keep up with the Bulgarian

Lawyers defending four men accused of plotting to bomb Bronx synagogue argue the men were effectively entrapped by being offered unlimited fried chicken by agents. Please look at he link's illustration, and please tell me what the defendant team is doing horribly, horribly wrong.

And finally, 7 Items you won't believe are actually legal.

Friday's Horrible Movie of the week

2009-09-18T16:01:00.000-07:00

Laserblast... It will blow your mind.

Enjoy the badness guys, and by the way, it's good to be back to blogging.

2009-07-02T14:39:00.001-07:00

Testing texting tool.

Another magic trick from Congressman Berry: Undervalue your house's value by $500,000 my "mistake"

2009-06-11T18:15:00.000-07:00

This guy is on a roll, isn't he? According to both Little Rocks THV and Washington D.C.'s "Roll Call", Congressman Marion Berry "mistakenly" undervalued his D.C. house by over five hundred thousand dollars, because everyone's totally made that mistake before, much like the time I forgot to pay my property taxes on my Range Rover.

Not Voting: The Magical Way to Solve All You Political Problems!

2009-06-03T18:02:00.000-07:00

Just went to the washingtonpost.com's web site the last night, having discovered their handy Congressional Vote Database, and, in my never ending search for congressional research, began looking up a certain Congressman Marion Berry's voting pattern.

Soon, you see a pattern, of which only has started fairly recently, from the point of the new congress this January. Often, during controversial issues, a four-stage process happens. First, the Republicans try to head-off Democratic Party legislation ( On Motion to Recommit With Instructions). This, Congressman Berry of course votes against. But then, when his fellow colleagues from the same party but from the left side of him offer theirs, he decides just not to vote. No "yea", and no "nay". He apparently just sits it out. Again though, the subject is usually brought up again.

My guess is this:

Vote 1) he hates Republicans, so he votes no.

Vote 2) he thinks his Democratic Colleagues are dirty hippies, but still doesn't want to vote like a Republican, so he just doesn't vote.

Intermission) Speaker Nancy Pelosi reminds Congressman Berry she keeps 198 jars in a congressional office closet specifially one for each of the men in her command, and that he best not find out why.

Vote 3) he votes party-line, or very occasionally, decides to risk testicular removal, goes all Leeroy Jenkins, and actually decides to still sit out or even vote against the Queen's wishes.

This happens in a few cases, such as Credit Cardholders’ Bill of Rights Act of 2009. In the case of House roll number 223: H R 1913, a certain Local Law Enforcement Hate Crimes Prevention Act, otherwise known as the Matthew Shephard Act, came up this April. Apparently, he somehow could not find the time to vote either for or against the resolution, even though he had shown up to vote earlier that day. He did find time to get back to work first thing the next daily session, to vote on the all too important roll number 229 HR 230: "Recognizing the Historical Signifigance of the Holiday of Cinco de Mayo."

2009-05-25T10:28:00.001-07:00

Ah, for this next one, I was wondering if this would be a problem, and now here it is:
Somali pirate on trial in the Netherlands likes the country so much, he's considering staying there after his trial is over. "He thinks the lavatory in his cell is fantastic."
So how exactly can you punish folks already from a shit hole?

Pakistan's allies promise $224 million to help displaced civilians. Meanwhile, Pakistan spends its own money ramping up production of nuclear warheads.... wait. what?

I pity the fool that don't wish Mr. T a happy 57th birthday.

Seven crazy ass weapons made in recent history.

Legislator decides to get back at Neo-Nazi group that adopted road by renaming it the "Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel Memorial Highway."

Reason # 359 that the internet is the death of us all: WD-40 now has a social network.

Man goes turkey hunting, sits behind turkey decoy while making turkey calls. Need I tell you what happened next?

Iran throws a burqa on Facebook.

The Nuclear Option Against Affirmative Action

2009-05-19T14:35:00.000-07:00

Hi everybody! Ever feel like the man is holding you down for not being brown, or at least, in the case of poor, poor Bill Richardson, not being the "right kind" of brown?

"The Man"

My friends, we here at Jim Bob's Bait Shop (and gifts) have the perfect product for you:

The Race Trump Card.

With the race trump card, you can affirm just about any action! Got a government interview? The Race Trump Card is there to help you seal the deal. Got turned down on a home loan? Pull out your trusty card and tell that pail-faced loan officer you also just happen to be there for a 200 year collection call. Also, if you're in the Armed Forces, you can use your Military I.D. for a devastatingly powerful soldier/Indian combo. Because, if you're bigoted against Native American veterans, you're pretty much going to be Adolf Hitler's roommate in Hell.

Okay, here's were I'm going with this: let's just say, that one day, the Arkansas State government was to hire state workers with an emphasis on hiring minority workers. An emphasis to the point where being a minority would be essentially "brownie points"(I swear on my grave that was a totally unintended pun), and giving someone a better opportunity to get a job than another person who, if was the same race, would have instead gotten it.

Here's the wrench in the gears to that plan.

Most white people whose families have been here since the 1800s have Cherokee ancestry, and since there are some nations with lenient entry requirements, virtually all of them could enter one, officially having recognized minority status as a Native American, and receive similar government benefits as other minorities.

Hence the "Race Trump Card."

Then, we find ourselves rating each other on racial purity to get those benefits, and then we've pretty much missed the damn point on equality. So maybe we should just let the
best man win?

...and/or woman. I also also meant woman.

"The Hurt Locker"

2009-05-19T02:12:00.000-07:00

Apparently, Hollywood has decided to make a move about an EOD team in Iraq, and it's coming this summer. It's called "The Hurt Locker, and has already racked up a few awards in the past few months. The irony is the reported budget, which was only 11 million dollars. Shoot, Obama screwed Arkansas' 39th out of more money just this spring.

So it could be argued that, yes, I am out of my mind, but the Army told me it was this, Infantry, or Special Forces. You would think a 92 ASVAB would get you better options, but oh well.

Now on for the news:

Tamil Tiger leader Velupillai Prabhakaran shot dead, pitiful little band defeated, rebellion crushed with one swift stroke.

If you're a Dakota Indian living in Minnesota, you're breaking Federal law.

With no horny middle school teachers available, awesome dad arrested for trying to hire a hooker for his 14 year old son. It was only $30, but it's the thought that counts.

General Motors bankruptcy inevitable. GM shares set to fall like a rock. OOOOOOHHHHH like a rock.

The House of Representatives votes 422-1 to award the Congressional Gold Medal to Arnold Palmer. So who voted against him? Hint: He's from Texas, and, just last year, we heard a whole lot about him from people far, far crazier than him.

(In his defense, this medal was once reserved for war heroes, and now we're giving them to... Arnold Palmer?)

Taliban finally agrees that letting girls in Afghanistan gettin' them an eductaion is a good idea. Just kidding, they're using poison gas on them.

Army update and more news...

2009-05-08T19:03:00.000-07:00

(I wish I had one of these...)

First of all, the army update...

My paperwork looks screwed up, and I can't get anyone to work on it. Oh well, as long as I'm getting paid as someone 6 years into my E-4 pay (giving me the maximum amount I could get while training), I could care less really. The drive to get it over with ASAP kind of goes out the window when:

-You're one of the only few training that's earning a bit more than that awesome $300 a week Private paycheck.

and

-Training over here means less time out of your 4 years waiting around to be drug out to "over there."

Anyways...

Things you shouldn't do with an unmarked white van: Taping up a sign saying "FREE CANDY INSIDE", placing a mattress and clothes on the van's floor, and parking it randomly in neighborhoods.

White House releases beautiful photograph that cost $328,000 and scared the poop out of thousands of New Yorkers (photo included).

The Great Oprah Kentucky Fried Chicken Riots of 2009.

Proof Chrysler knew they sucked since the early 90s: Their HQ was designed so it could be easily converted into a shopping mall in case they went out of business. Also, it turns out even THAT didn't make business sense.

Nancy Pelosi: I was not briefed on waterboarding practices. CIA: Our documents, let us show you them.

Youtube Gold

2009-05-01T19:50:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile, so why not?

Excuses... Excuses

2009-04-28T20:23:00.000-07:00

Sorry I've been away, but between helping take care of Harrison, trying to go around on the chicken dinner fund raising circuit, and oh, going active duty army to be an Explosive Ordinance Disposal specialist. So give me a break, will you?

Anyways, Here's the news:

WHO raises alert level to 5 for swine flu. One more level until we unlock the bonus round.

Also, swine flu "patient zero" now has a face.

Who's the cutest little Harbinger of Doom? Youuuu aaarrrreee.

Mother proud to be feeding her kids McDonalds at 6 months of age. As you could tell by the picture in the article, the golden arches haven't been kind to her, either.

Obama secretly tested for swine flu after man he shook hands with in Mexico drops dead the next day. Officials concerned because Obama's touch usually heals.

Car salesman dies at NASCAR race, but as his obit notes, "We are sure he would still want all to know that 0.9% financing is still available on all New 2008 Hummer H2's."

Worst. Pirates. Ever.

No Justice in the World

2009-04-07T02:41:00.000-07:00

See these guys up there? More likely than not, their bonuses just got cut... if they
in the past couple months, the army has had it's reenlistment bonuses either cut dramatically or entirely for virtually all MOSs (military occupation specialties). In fact only %5 of the entire force.

As of March 1, you are more likely to be wounded than receive an initial enlistment bonus.

Don't worry, there's more. Bonuses for enlisting again have been cut up to two thirds. Instead of getting $15,000 for a 6-year reenlistment, it would be just $5,000. Don't worry if you're held under "stop loss" during a deployment.

To make a point, lets say that the 1037th MAC (the Paragould unit) had a 60% reenlistment rate (which is actually much higher, just don't know the exact amount).
There are around 120 soldiers dedicated to that unit, so that would mean 72 soldiers reenlisting, and would mean nearly three quarters of a million dollars in bonuses were cut. As for the 875th as a whole, somewhere 2.5 million dollars. The 39th? Since I've heard the the reenlistment rate is a bit lower, but 50% would be a safe number, and even at that conservative estimate, it would be around 15 million dollars.

I know. I had to count the zeroes on my calculator to double check if I was reading it wrong.

I can understand cutting funding on some ridiculously expensive weapons system that hardly works, but why cut the bonuses of hundreds of thousands of guardsmen? After all, these people are the sole reason young men in our country have grown up in this world without having a draft card in their pocket.

Think about that.

New News

2009-04-05T19:30:00.000-07:00

Oral sex causes tonsil cancer. Now she has another excuse.

Man gets drunk, strips naked, runs down the street claiming he's an illegal alien, and nearly punches a cop in the face all in the hopes of getting deported to Mexico.

Barack Obama becomes most polarizing president in over 40 years according to not-so-right-wing... Pew Research Center? Why, that there is some fail we all could believe in.

Congress finally set to add some much needed regulation by enacting tougher trading rules and creating a new registration system for traders. Since it's the US Congress of course we're talking about concert tickets.

Fannie and Freddie will pay out $210 million in bonuses for their employees' great work, and the value they brought to the company. Or, we can just call it welfare.

The ten cars that sank Detroit.

US responds to earthquake in Italy by offering them emergency aid totalling $50,000, which is enough to buy every victim a plate of pasta, no sauce and don't even ask for bread.

Finally, I leave you with this. Yes, you're welcome.

Newsiness

2009-03-31T20:24:00.000-07:00

(I have had the luxury of going to a certain someone's Assembly of God church in Missouri that still kicks it "old school", borderline Pentecostal-wise. Apostolic? There is no telling, unless it's already in Revelations.)

Today's "college sends 'Congrats' e-mail to 30,000 rejected applicants" story is brought to you by UC San Diego.

Convenience store robber celebrates "Take Your Daughter to Work Day" a month early.

If you thought the Snuggie was a nifty way to keep warm and not a spectacular waste of $15, you're going to love the Peekaru. Oh yeah, there are pictures. God, there are pictures.

'Consensual living' movement growing in popularity, as parents pretend that children who have barely learned to not poop their pants have important thoughts and feelings. This, combined with polygamist Mormons, the concept of long-term gay monogamy, and "Octomom", form the four franken-family horses of the Apocalypse.

Drunken students attempt to steal dinosaur, forget how obvious carrying a large dinosaur looks to police.

Newsiness

2009-03-19T20:31:00.001-07:00

Rob a store where minors are working? In Georgia that makes you a registered sex offender for life. Even if you were a minor at the time too.

If you can't rob a house without getting shot by the homeowner, and then runover TWICE by your own getaway car, it might be time for a new line of work.

When you wash your baby, you're washing your baby with CANCER

Today's "Third grader shows off his gun at school" brought to you by Ft Lauderdale.

McCain 6 months ago: US economy is sound. Obama 6 months ago: What are you smoking? Obama today: US economy is sound.

For your entertainment: The top 10 most controversial episodes in South Park history.

2009-03-09T16:23:00.000-07:00

If you took a Montebello police cruiser for a spin early this morning, please bring back the AR-15 assault rifle and 870 Remington shotgun you took from it.

Kim Jong-il beats Obama at getting elected with a staggering 100% of the vote. In other news, tonight's forecast... dark.

Chinese sailors in their underwear taunt US Navy ship, which fights back with squirt guns. Then it gets weird...

If you want to avoid suspicion of driving under the influence, the first step would be to make sure you're driving on a full set of tires.

Australian Prime Minister says 'political sh**storm' on live television, sparking a political sh**storm.

News you can't use*

2009-03-02T03:04:00.000-08:00

*got left in the attic for a few weeks...

The Japanese emperor is coming to Hawaii, and he is most displeased with our apparent lack of progress...

If you missed that last movie zinger, I'll just go for the gold and just say that I'm glad that we at least got a heads up this time.

Wait for it... yes, that was pretty bad.

Not only does the new budget not contain earmarks, there is one cosponsored by "Senator Barack Obama"... wait, what?

Man partied and had sex with lots of women at work, which might be cool if he wasn't working at the morgue.

Utah takes one step closer to making it illegal to "look drunk", because thinking 20 year-old war veterans aren't mature enough for bud light just isn't asinine enough.

News you can't use. Not yours.

2009-02-17T20:59:00.000-08:00

Meet Jennifer, she will "moan like Shamu for you"

The money you'll be getting on average from the obama stimulus, but then again, that's just my two cents.

Audio of the Christian Bale insanity if you haven't heard it yet.

Folks pissed that they were tricked into getting coins with Obama stickers slapped on. Insert your change joke here.

Two New Zealand prove they're not of the same breeding as their Aussie ex-penal colony neighbors.

Lastly, the Secret Service may actually have the upper hand against any potential Obama assassins with this puppy that follows the Presidential limo:

...holy crap.

whew...

2009-02-09T20:31:00.000-08:00

This whole dad this is crazy stuff, but then again, I think it was pretty much assumed as such. By the way, 9lbs and 1 oz... yes, indeed. He did though have a nasty bout of jaundice, but only after staying 2 nights in a hospital room half the size of a motel 6 room(though probably with as much fluids strung around), it was cleared up.

News... going... now:

Unintentional advertising of the day.

Picking up the garbage in high crime areas can actually lower the crime rate by 20%... in other news, thermonuclear device causes vaporization of north Jonesboro neighborhood.

I give you the worlds oldest know sex ed video, 1932's "The Mystery of Marriage" totaly lame flapper action though.

News besides me being a dad...

2009-02-05T10:25:00.002-08:00

Attention students of Palm Springs Middle School: This is your Principal. Please do not take the Xanax, or the brown acid, while you're at it.

Arkansas State Senate votes 34-1 for cutting grocery tax. In other news, Pine Bluff legislator gives yet another reason why we must burn Pine Bluff to the ground.

The state legislature also signed into law an animal cruelty bill making torture of cats, dogs, and horses a felony on the first offense... WON'T ANYBODY THINK OF THE COWS?!?!

I'm a daddy.

2009-02-05T10:25:00.001-08:00

I'm a daddy. That is all.

Tragedy, Chaos, Persevereance, and my pimpin' new Marquis

2009-01-29T20:20:00.000-08:00

I hope all of you can forgive my absence, me just getting out of the wost Ice Storm in the past 50 years and what not. It seems to have had NEA for breakfast, as virtually every city in the area had it's entire grid portion go out. It also caused total loss of electricity in many cities in the Missouri boot heel, although many were completely unaware(ha).

As for myself, my house in NW Jonesboro was out for around 36 hours. Also, a large heavy branch decided to knock a massive hole in the sunroof of my wife's car. Now Laura is driving my Mazda3:

In the meanwhile, I have this bad boy:

Joy.

Local News...

2009-01-27T16:33:00.000-08:00

In local news, the recession is finally here. Arkansas' unemployment rate goes to 6.2%

I never thought it would come to this, but finding a decent job has gotten to the point where I am considering voluntarily deploying a serious consideration. Sure, it would be a nightmare to go through again, but hey, free full family health care and the equivalent of over 40,000 a year?

If it makes you feel any better about our economy, with the fact that just in one day yesterday, 40,000 jobs where lost, don't panic...

...Marmaduke just got a Subway.

Yes, our economic woes will be defeated with this mighty sanctuary of sub sandwiches built right on the ruins of the north side of town where tornadoes have not just once, or twice, but three times have annihilated everything. At least the property value was cheap.

Youtube Comedy Gold presents: Poor Chinese baby...

2009-01-27T11:47:00.000-08:00

By the way, I will be getting ready to post some Super Bowl commercial classics just before game day, so stay tuned.

Reason #74 about not updating: I'm having a baby...

2009-01-26T18:49:00.000-08:00

...well, the wife, Laura is having one. Not interested in being a self-made genetic bastardization as this thing is, I am not, as it should be.

The name is Harrison Keith Shumard, and he will rock this world. This is, in fact... a fact. I know this, because it just is.

He will also have a decent pad:

By the way, Laura made the picture. Not bad at all.

Greene County Democrats Snub Obama and DNC on Donor Dough

2009-01-21T17:31:00.000-08:00

"Not well Brian... not well."

-Stewie Griffin, "Lois Kills Stewie"

Just going through the donations of the various local and federal candidates today.
Apparently, all the powers-that-be that normally donate to Democrats had refused to give our great leader any money. That includes such folks as State Representative Billy Gaskill (just a $207 donation to the state party, which is kind of cheap considering he spent untold amounts beating out two other guys in a primary a few years ago) , First National Bank chairman Bill Brewer($5,500), Liberty Bank Banker Mark Fowler(2,000), Chevy Dealership owner Thomas Kirk ($6,900) Tom Kirk's relatives (don't know how related...$2,100 and $3,300 each), long time local Democratic activist Harry Trumann Moore($3,000), State Senator Robert Thompson ($3,800), among dozens of other folks that had either donated to the state Democratic Party, Hillary Clinton, Mark Pryor, or Marion Berry. Combined of the above group alone, makes up 26,807 of money that went to just about everyone... everyone but the DNC and the Obama Campaign.

So far, the only relatively major Obama donors listed in Greene county are an Adel and Yeesoon (I am not making these names up) Hassan, both of whom donated $1,000 each last year. These two donations are the only donations reported towards Obama (unless there's some closeted Obama fan that donated 199 bucks 11 1/2 times to avoid having to report), so aside from those two donations, Greene County Democrats systematically snubbed Obama and the DNC out of any money whatsoever.

Think about it. According to campaignmoney.com, the NATIONAL RURAL LETTER CARRIERS' ASSOCIATION POLITICAL ACTION COMMITTEE got more money from Greene County than the Democratic National Committee. Considering that the county has been second only to Craighead county in Democratic support in Northeast Arkansas, the fact that not a single regular Democratic figure, politician, fundraiser, or otherwise besides two people that are probably from out-of-state may explain the weakest support for a Democratic national candidate ever in a national election.

Not well Brian... not well.

News

2009-01-18T21:01:00.000-08:00

Took me forever tonight to get this done for some reason:

"Brad Pitt, Colin Ferrell lead mustache comeback," complete with yet another reason to hate Nicholas Cage.

CT governor names Linda McMahon, CEO of World Wrestling Entertainment, to State Education Board. Her first suggestion is to change the boardroom furniture to break-away tables and metal chairs.

Columnist calls to end legal prostitution in Rhode Island. In other news, prostitution is legal in Rhode Island.

Zimbabwe unveils Z$100 trillion note. That's $30($40 if you're reading this after lunch tomorrow).

Venezuela to vote on referendum to re-elect Chavez indefinitely--whether they want to or not.

status of US Airways Jet that crashed at La Guardia...

2009-01-15T17:41:00.000-08:00

The Barack Obama... yarmulke.

2009-01-13T20:53:00.000-08:00

To go with the national Obamarama that is currently taking hold (MTV is apparently having a bit of an "multiple Obamism", Clinton never even turned them on this much), goes the cashing in. Among other things, there are items like shoes, shirts, and then it goes all Star Wars movie merchandise on us.

People are now even trying to sell lava lamps and "Obamica" skull caps.

There is nothing that compares to this merchandising insanity... almost.

News

2009-01-12T21:21:00.000-08:00

Sorry folks. I've just got off 3 more 12-hour days:

Iranians welcome the new Obama Adminstration with goodwill and hope for a better era of American-Islamic relations. Just kidding, they're setting giant pictures of Barack Obama on fire.

State lawmakers finally aim to put an end to that sweet, sweet alligator lovin'.

What proposed California state facility would have handball courts, therapy kitchens, music and crafts rooms, yoga, and a basketball court? If you said, "the new prison hospitals", you've just won a new new car, or just less incentive to pay taxes.

Obama threatens veto, even though he's not president yet.

HI! I'M BILLY MAYS AND I'M GOING TO ANNOY YOU FOR 60 SECONDS!

2009-01-05T19:04:00.000-08:00

Noticed the scourge of TV pitchmen hordes that are coming out of your television? Here's the wonderful news how, as our economy gets worse, they will only grow in strength. Why?

Because our tears provide nourishment to Billy Mays. That's why.

Not really. As this hard-hitting journalism from New Jersey tells us, as-seen-on-tv products actually become more successful due to cheaper promotion costs and increased viewership.

So actually, yes. In a roundabout way, our tears do, in fact, provide nourishment to Billy Mays.

Oddly enough, the more interesting story about these guys is the one about Vince Offer. Vince who?

This man.

Interestingly enough, Vince Offer is a former "independent filmmaker", whose "film"(a 1999 "comedy" called "The Underground Comedy Movie") tanked, and so then decided sue everyone from the Farrelly brothers to Anna Nicole Smith to the Church of Scientology for screwing up his movie.

It should be noted that Anna Nicole was sued for backing out of being in the movie, as she thought it would be detrimental to her career.

Anna Nicole Smith's career.

So Billy Mays drinks your tears, Vince Offer killed Anna Nicole Smith, and here's your big piece of shit slider station.

New Year's News

2009-01-01T16:37:00.000-08:00

Iraq's "Green Zone" now being handed over to the Iraq Government. Where the Hell has that easy button been hiding?

103-year-old woman credits her longevity to coffee, doughnuts, peanut butter and cheese. Behold the power of cheese.

Another sign of the bad economy: drug dealers taking gift cards as payment.

Former Rhode Island senator Claiborne Pell, who gave us Pell grants, dies at age 90.

The first Navy SEAL passes away at 84.

...gosh, a depressing way to start the year...

Australian police spend two million on a shooting simulator because their officers have so little firearms experience they are afraid to use their own guns.

Forget about the crappy economy, an eruption of the Yellowstone supervolcano will destroy so much life on Earth that the new economy will based on firearms and liquor, making the US and the Irish world powers.

2008 vote research part 3: Trouble in Berryville

2008-12-21T09:27:00.000-08:00

I know I've been hammering this down ridiculously, but if you've been here long enough, it will consume you.

Down in Arkansas county, the the land of Berry's birth, Arelections.org shows that, in Arkansas County, Obama, the man Berry supposedly vouched for, wasn't even able to hit the 40% mark. While the county has voted for Republicans before, never has it so blatantly deaf to a Democratic Presidential Campaign.

Here's more numbers:

(in the city of Stuttgart, where he started his career as a city councilman)

Stuttgart(Ward 1)-16.8% McCain/ 80.2% Obama

Stuttgart(Ward 2)-71.2% McCain/ 26.4% Obama

Stuttgart(Ward 3)-68.8% McCain/ 29.1% Obama

By the way, Ward 1, where it was obviously an Obama landslide, is located in the central part of the city, where virtually the entire black population lives.

Gillett- 67.6% McCain/ 29.1% Obama

(Gillett is where the Congressman currently lives)

DeWitt(Ward 1)- 25.6% McCain/ 71.4 % Obama

DeWitt(Ward 2)- 63% McCain/ 31.5% Obama

DeWitt(Ward 3)- 70.1% McCain/ 20.5% Obama

(DeWitt is where a huge share of the congressman's donors come from, especially in proportion to the population)

News for today

2008-12-20T17:15:00.000-08:00

Inmate escapes from the third floor of the jail by scaling down the wall using Christmas lights.

The "Cross Dressing Bandit" has robbed three banks so far this month. What a drag

Man discovers hardware store failed to charge him $1.50 sales tax and decides to do the right thing and mail it directly to the IRS. IRS thanks the man by fining him $50 and threatening to prosecute him for stealing money from the state.

Oprah Winfrey named PETA's 'Person of the Year", just to piss me off that much more.

Bonus: Previous winners include Senator Robert Byrd, a former butcher and member of the Klu Klux Klan... which... I guess makes sense when you value rights of dogs below that of certain peoples.

101.9 Kiss FM Down the Tubes?

2008-12-16T06:32:00.001-08:00

Yes, it's been going on for awhile. Even years before Clear Channel sold them to East Arkansas Broadcasters, they dumped their remote assistants to save dough as the whole station cluster(95.9 the wolf,107.9 KFIN, other ex CC stations in Jonesboro) got a budget cut waiting to be sold off. When they did, they were sold off to EAB. If you haven't heard of them, they're the ones who own 103.9 "Earl FM".

Chances are, you still don't know what the Hell I'm talking about.

Anyways, they've lost their old site(since they're no longer affiliated with CC) and now are at http://www.kissjonesboro.com/view/470. Also, they've started on their annual Christmas Treasure Hunt.

The grand prize?

A 2001 Dodge Intrepid, with a new sound system.

My response?

What does the runner up get? An EBT Card and a lifetime supply of this?

My president has "catlike speed and reflexes."

2008-12-16T05:16:00.000-08:00

Ah, since I've last been on, the President has learned the one of the main welcoming traditions of US citizens by Arabs while visiting the region(believe me, it's better than the other ones.
To commemorate this, I bring an animated GIF:

It seems as if he's done that drill before.

The first Mountain Dew commercial

2008-12-14T22:23:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4xd8fzk8Rlk

Mountain Dew, the best thing to happen to the South since Crystal Methamphetamine!

Sunday news...

2008-12-14T19:10:00.000-08:00

Lost in translation: Hooters opens franchises in China under the name 'The American Owl'

New Versace hotel in Dubai finds ingenious way to deal with global warming: Refrigerate the beach.

The German government has lost over 300 top secret files over the last 10 years. They're so secret, in fact, that they don't even know what they lost. Talk about unknown unknowns.

Wounded Iraq vet gets to adopt her bomb dog.

Operation Blue Falcon: The Groves Election Night Fiasco

2008-12-10T17:14:00.000-08:00

(definition courtesy of the Urban Dictionary)
"Blue Falcon"-A socially acceptable reference to the acronym 'bf', also known as 'buddy fuck'; referring to an action that leads to 'fucking over' your 'buddy'. Common in military parlance. See also "bf"

"Our LT-CMD took point, led us through a mine field and almost blue falconed the entire platoon."

The geniuses in the Grove complex November 4th are just that, buddy fuckers. Sure, the election of an African-American to the presidency is a momentous occasion, but it can be assumed that he took great pains in his life not to act like the fucktards who decided to booze up, not leave the complex when the cops ordered them to leave "more than 15 times", as JPD Chief Yates said, and decided to shout obscenities at the police officers. As they were starting to arrest the more fucktarded sounding of the bunch, a couple decided to do something quite brilliant.

They approached the officers...

and acted a fool.

Oh, ya, that's a taserin'.

In this Hope-filled melee, one particularly genius man from Stuttgart decided to put his Fist of Change to a female officer's nose, breaking it.

Right after this all went down, mass emails, as well as a complaint filed with the JPD were sent all over accusing the JPD of police brutality by Brittany Jones. Now, I will say the JPD is pretty ridiculous when it comes to protocol, but they rarely give people "a date with senior nightstick" unless they earn it, and these guys earned it.

Now, several witnesses, including Jones, are trying to change their stories during taped police interviews. Brittany, apparently now knowing that filing a false statement is sort of illegal, asked if she could "scratch out" the original statement similar to the mass-email claims, and make a new statement.

It doesn't work that way, ma'am.

According to the Jonesboro Sun say that "repeated attempts to contact Brittany Jackson, Erika Guy and Chelsea Adams, who also filed complaints against officers, were unsuccessful."

One could assume they were too busy fighting for social justice to be bothered with requests with what really happened that night.

Arelection.org data continues...

2008-12-09T06:23:00.000-08:00

Ok, now that Greene County's county clerk decided to stop holding up the info on her county, the stats on the First Congressional District are in...

Counties going Red in '08: 21

Counties going Blue in '08: 5

Local Democrats crying in their beers that they actually have to campaign for this guy again in four years in counties where local Democratic leaders and candidates were openly stating their support for McCain: priceless.

Seriously, I can't state this enough how big this is. In the entire history of the region of Eastern Arkansas, the majority of its people have never voted to have a Republican president until now. Even Greene County, the county that historically would literally vote for a Yellow Dog than a Republican had only had a single point difference between it's vote and in Baxter County's, meaning it's on track to going Red on the local level in 4 to 8 years.

It didn't hurt that the county's democratic committee refused to hold a campaign HQ in Obama's name. Hell, I don't think they even did that to Carter in '80.

Oh and one more thing. Did anyone notice that former Democratic State Chair and Jonesboro native Willett had his mayoral campaign pretty much crash and burning after spending over a 100 grand and ended of tens of thousands of that in debt after getting less than 20% of the vote. Considering that Jonesboro is the main fund raising hub for Democrats the region, we was the DPA state chair, and he's actually from Jonesboro, I believe I shall award him:

News you can't use. Not yours.

2008-12-08T22:03:00.000-08:00

California homosexuals urged to "call in gay" to work on Wednesday. In other news, Banana Republic locations across California will be closed Wednesday.

The Top 10 movies that should have rocked, but didn't. In case you didn't realize Spiderman 3 is a finalist, I should remind you Topher Grace played Venom.

Remember when we were kids and our moms would hold us down and write swear words on our foreheads with a crayon? Good times, good times.

Official in charge of keeping Massachusetts ports free of illegal immigrants arrested for hiring illegal immigrants.

Ah, and a youtube link to an old Siskel and Ebert review of "A Christmas Story"... Ironic predictions about the future success abound:

Youtube, Camera Phones, Beer, Borat, and Why Life as We Know it is Already Doomed

2008-12-03T22:08:00.000-08:00

It came to me as I watched a scene of Borat on the movie screen in LSA Anaconda, Iraq during my deployment. As often do many things that people do while intoxicated, South Carolina college students decide to pick up a Kazakh news reporter.

As we all know, this had no probability of ending well.

Looking already too drunk to even turn down a sexual favor from woman with a suspiciously large Adam's Apple, and with a little coxing from Borat, they were happy to oblige with various racist and sexist remarks that will make their next few trips to Wal-Mart more than a little awkward.

Then something came into my mind. A bad, horrible, terrible thing. What if this happened more often? What if people actually did start going around at parties with wireless cameras and microphones, trying to use lack of context, loose lips, and even the law of averages, getting caught up in the moment and completely gaffing the flying f**k away in one sentence?

Think of it this way: have you ever said at least one thing, one thing in your entire life that would be so horrible, that, if publicized could harm you socially?

And often more serious actions by collections of morons caught on tape, or at least persons under temporary morose behavior, can actually lead to large scale tomfoolery, and when tomfoolery breaks out, we're all pretty much screwed.

By the way, any old timers remember seeing footage like this from the beautiful city of LA? It's like having the COPS production crew pretty much behind the shoulder of each and every one of us, waiting for the moment to put us in Youtube infamy.

...so ya, we're pretty much screwed.

Burger Virgins... and barely legal.

2008-12-03T21:01:00.000-08:00

Yes, this apparently is a very real (but not really serious) documentary, as Burger King actually did send people out on a wacked out version of the old Pepsi-Coke taste tests.

Apparently, there are people who are outraged about this, as people with bunched-up panties often are.

December's first batch...

2008-12-03T20:09:00.000-08:00

(there would be a funny picture about winter, but blogspot decided to be evil for the moment...)

In a stunning reversal, UAW president says they may agree to having some of their members not be paid for doing absolutely nothing.

If you are trying to get out of a DUI manslaughter arrest, giggling during your field sobriety test is not the best strategy.

This is why you always get the new kid to clear the paper jam in the printer.

Vin Diesel to star in "dead language version" movie of Hannibal crossing the Alps. Because "Alexander" didn't cause a a rip in the terrible-movie-space-time-continuum that was supposed to kill us all years ago.

Scientists putting in long hours of "research" discover different cultures use different gestures to order beer.

News

2008-11-28T20:34:00.000-08:00

Arrest made in attractive, blonde anchor woman's death. For some strange reason, they mention the suspect's car had 22" rims. Surely a critical detail, nothing else.

Cardboard figure keeps police at bay. "After failing to get any response from the figure inside, the SWAT team entered."

Former New York cop wins $4.5 million in damages after shooting himself in the leg when the chair he was sitting in broke. ""He's lucky in a sense that he didn't shoot himself somewhere else."

Walmart employee killed on Black Friday, otherwise known as the annual American Running of the Bulls.

It's past midnight after Thanksgiving night...

2008-11-27T22:24:00.000-08:00

...and I'm still up. At least the turkey was good this year. My turkey. Not yours. You can't have any.

First of all: Happy Thanksbacon

Apparently, since it's all the rage in Nebraska to "kid-litter", two parents whose last names suspiciously don't match decide to leave their 4 year old at "709 Cut Rate Package Liquor Store" in Springfield, IL... which... if you have ever been there, sounds just about right.

8-year-old kid is thrown out of class for being noisy. So he does the only logical thing and goes home to complain to his mother... in the teacher's car

There are so many phones smuggled into Texas prisons, officials are considering installing cell phone jamming technology.

More people visiting food banks for help. "I have a master's degree. I shouldn't have to do this"

Best Classified Ad... ever.

2008-11-27T22:03:00.000-08:00

(it was here, but got taken down)

Actual car ad from Craigslist:

OK, let me start off by saying this Xterra is only available for purchase by the manliest of men (or women). My friend, if it was possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five o'clock shadow, this Nissan would look like Tom Selleck. It is just that manly.

It was never intended to drive to the mall so you can pick up that adorable shirt at Abercrombie & Fitch that you had your eye on. It wasn't meant to transport you to yoga class or Linens & Things. No, that's what your Prius is for. If that's the kind of car you're looking for, then just do us all a favor and stop reading right now. I mean it. Just stop.

This car was engineered by 3rd degree ninja super-warriors in the highest mountains of Japan to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis. They didn't even consider superfluous nancy boy amenities like navigation systems (real men don't get lost), heated leather seats (a real man doesn't let anything warm his butt), or On Star (real men don't even know what the hell On Star is).

No, this brute comes with the things us testosterone-fueled super action junkies need. It has a 265 HP engine to outrun the cops. It's got special blood/gore resistant upholstery. It even has a first-aid kit in the back. You know what the first aid kit has in it? A pint of whiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a hunk of leather to bite down on when you're operating on yourself. The Xterra also has an automatic transmission so if you're being chased by Libyan terrorists, you'll still be able to shoot your machine gun out the window and drive at the same time. It's saved my bacon more than once.

It has room for you and the four hotties you picked up on the way to the gym to blast your pecs and hammer your glutes. There's a tow hitch to pull your 50 caliber anti-Taliban, self cooling machine gun. I also just put in a new windshield to replace the one that got shot out by The Man.

My price on this bad boy is an incredibly low $12,900, but I'll entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable, I mean don't walk up and tell me you'll give me $5,000 for it. That's liable to earn you a Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered eye-jab. Would it hurt? Hell yeah. Let's just say you won't be the prettiest guy at the Coldplay concert anymore.

There's only 69,000 miles on this four-wheeled hellcat from Planet Kickass. Trust me, it will outlive you and the offspring that will carry your name. It will live on as a monument to your machismo.

Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If it's a rugged, no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double, then contact me. I might be out hang-gliding or BASE jumping or just chilling with my ladies, but I'll get back to you. And when I do, we'll talk about a price over a nice glass of Schmidt while we listen to Johnny Cash.

To sweeten the deal a little, I'm throwing in this pair of MC Hammer pants for the man with rippling quads that can't fit into regular pants. Yeah, you heard me. FREE MC Hammer pants.

-end of ad-

I attacked multiple government targets in the 1970s and all I got was this lousy t-shirt from "Earthbound"

2008-11-18T17:48:00.000-08:00

If you didn't hear, Bill Ayers, college professor, philanthropist, and crazy man was on NPR's Fresh Air tonight. In the spirit of listening to both sides of the story, I decided to bite and actually listen to what he had to say.

Conclusion: This guy is still out of his freaking mind. Despite repeated attempts by Terry Gross to state some sort of apology for his actions. Ironically enough, Mr. Ayers states on several cases he was "radical" and "stupid", yet refuses to apologize for his actions or those of his Weather Underground colleagues.

While the relationship between him and Bill Ayers is debatable, it was still a complete lapse of judgment to even associate himself with the man during a presidential election nonetheless. After all, it’s like saying it is ok for a conservative to associate himself with Eric Rudolph if the bombs hadn’t hurt anyone.

Anyways, here’s a link to said interview here.

Midnight news?

2008-11-17T22:00:00.000-08:00

Al Sharpton owes the USA half a million in unpaid taxes. Apparently it is illegal to deduct expenses for hair care products

German brothel offers free entry to anyone who gets its logo tattooed on his arm. Gives a whole new meaning to 'tramp stamps'

Whoever has been cutting off horse tails in northwest Iowa, please knock it off

German troops in Afghanistan drunk more than 1.8m pints last year… wait… why do they get to have beer over there?

Euphoric Obama fans may be sparking a baby boom. That’s change we can pay with our taxes to DHS for about 18 years per head

quick election notes

2008-11-12T19:13:00.000-08:00

Even though this is in the middle of my "work week"(I work 12 hours a day, three days on, three off), I want to mention any notes I had forgotten to mention earlier, like voting patterns in NEA.

-First district's counties votes finally went red. Counties that didn't even go red in 2004 went for mccain this election.Counties that did go for Obama.

-The ban proposal on unmarried couples fostering or adopting (Proposed Initiative no. 1 passed surprisingly enough. Reaction to it had been mixed in the state Republican party toward supporting it. As far as in this area, there's no real pattern between the Delta counties and non-delta, as opposed to the Amendment 3 issue 4 years ago (and even then, that was debatable). My only guess is maybe the various county counts of while liberals, but alas, arelections.org sets out votes by issue or geography, not by number of Episcopalians.

-Obama won by more points in California than Kerry in '04, and the gay marriage ban there(Proposition 8) was supposed to be down by at least 5 points according to final polls, so how did it pass? People forgot San Fransisco and Oakland are pretty damn different. African-Americans voted in favor of the ban by 70 percent (which may very well be more than AR African-Americans did for Amendment 3 in '04 even) . Ironically enough, it may very well had been because of Obama's campaign that it was able to pass in such a liberal state as California.

Yes, that thought numbs the mind, but I'd like to remind my fellow non-AR friends I come from a state that elected George Wallace, William Fulbright, and Winthrop Rockefeller at the same time 40 years ago. These things are possible. These things happen.

WTF News

2008-11-10T18:00:00.000-08:00

Nanny State bans coast guard from using flares on search-and-rescue missions because they're "too dangerous"

You know what's worse than an IED in Iraq? Seeing them in Texas.

Man parks load of manure in front of Dem HQ, proclaiming Dem's message "a load of crap"

Man begs for release of woman who tried to have him and his kids killed, calling her "one of the nicest people you could ever know."

Bar holding Obama rally offered free drinks for every state won. Can you guess how this ended?

Denver Police, apparently unhappy with lack of violent protests at DNC, staged one themselves using undercover cops. I'm sure there would be more outrage except that one of the other cops got confused and decided to pepper-spay his own guys.

YAY FOR CHANGE!

2008-11-05T19:57:00.000-08:00

I live near the corner of Mathews and Gee St in Jonesboro, so naturally there's celebratory 9mm gunfire, which is better than dive-by gunfire I guess.

In the News

2008-11-02T21:16:00.000-08:00

Miami has a murder-free month... the first in over 40 years.

PETA offers Ringling Bros. an animatronic elephant to replace its real ones.

A video of the top secret Cold War-era bunker where your leaders would ride out the apocalypse while you burned to a fiery ash.

Woman with 38 previous convictions, nine social security numbers and several aliases faces life sentence... for shoplifting

Forget Joe the Plumber: Joe the Lead Guitarist for Aerosmith endorses McCain

New news?

2008-10-26T19:31:00.000-07:00

Still have this baby in Development Hell... I'm talking to two new folks as we speak. In the meanwhile...

Mary-Kate turns into Skeletor

As I've said a million times before myself, Arkansas News confirms that McCain will make Obama his bitch in Arkansas.

If you own a Chinese restaurant, it's never a good idea to let the health inspector find employees butchering a deer in the kitchen. Sorry, no pics.

"Hey pass me that cutting torch near the bucket of fuel, I need to remove the rusty bolts on the car's gas tank"

I'm having trouble with the current news links I have...

2008-10-12T20:25:00.000-07:00

... so here's another reason why parents should lock up their children.

Congressman Berry: Epic Fail

2008-10-11T00:53:00.000-07:00

Our state's Democrats just can't seem to avoid that there darn youtube or the rest of the internets.

By the way, I was there during the surge. Sure, the supply system got jammed up initially (we got several space heaters when it was mid-July), and the time it took to get our laundry back from the wash went from 2 to 5 days turnaround (probably because of the fact that our base literally doubled in population to the size of Paragould or Cabot in just months), but I would consider it a mere complaint when faced with the other options.

If this surge did not happen, with Obama and Congressman Berry having his chance, our 39th would be running to the choppers going out of town, not of their own fear but those of a Confederacy of Cowardice. Ones not driven to being for or against this war because of their true conscience, but do so to save their own skins.

Stay classy, Congressman.

Youtube Comedy Gold

2008-10-07T23:24:00.000-07:00

Arkansas Voting...

2008-10-06T22:54:00.000-07:00

OK, so it's no new news that Arkansas is Democrat, and the eastern part of that at that. So how do do we exactly vote?

Pretty much like Obama bowls.

Just look at the voting patterns here on arelections.org . Now look at counties like Greene and Lawrence counties at both county and ward levels the past, particularly between 2004 amendment 3 and the election of Republican candidates.

Nope, it does not make sense.

News you can't use. Not yours.

2008-10-06T21:22:00.000-07:00

Starting to get back into swing here...

Police are investigating a violent, suburban gang formed on an up-scale high school campus called "The Fluffy Bunny Crew"

Kansas mayor apologizes for appearing in blackface. Bonus, his name is pronounced "koon"

Welcome to Baltimore, home of the $11,000 traffic ticket

According to a poll, 59 percent of voters would have no problem with replacing the entire Congress.

The election may give Democrats a fillibuster-proof majority of 60 seats in the U.S. Senate. Combined with the inevitable Democrat in the White House, and we better get our free health care. And our free ponies.

That was the part where you simply run, Mark.

2008-10-04T23:26:00.000-07:00

College Reorientation Time

2008-10-01T21:16:00.000-07:00

I wanted to get a massive collection of stories out, but it's 2 in the morning and I will regret my caffeine intake soon enough:

Gas station attendant accidentally sets price of a gallon to 35 cents. Upon finding out, owner said, "The people looked so happy when they were buying gas. If I can do this for them, that's all right"

And the latest Chinese product being recalled due to unsafe chemical levels is... pretzels

The Quebec Human Rights Commission is about to make a landmark decision on.... how to use silverware properly... damn Gypsies and their chopsticks.

Pakistanis angry over their President over putting the movies on VP candidate and Alaska Governor Sarah "Tina Fey"Palin. Please stop by for the conversation. Stay for all the semi-English literate Pakistanis on the youtube comments section.

Web 1.0 celebrity "Where are they now?"

I'm back...

2008-10-01T18:48:00.000-07:00

...again

Youtube Comedy Gold

2008-09-03T10:48:00.000-07:00

WTF News

2008-09-02T19:31:00.000-07:00

Around 300 hippie-ass protesters arrested around Republican Convention, Eric Cartman dispatched to scene.

New history textbook from Russia tells its country's students that Joseph Stalin that he was "entirely rational" to kill more people than even Hitler did.

"Disaster Movie", unlike all the other crappy spoofs that have came out, lives up to its name.

Just when Republicans where breaking a sweat, Rev. Wright saves the day by being Rev. Wright.

Arkansas columnist explains how screwed the Democratic Party of Arkansas is getting people to vote for Obama.

Democrats: When your standards are lower, how can you have scandals?

2008-09-02T18:15:00.000-07:00

In new news, Governor's Sarah Palin's 17 year old unmarried daughter is having a child. Of course, leftist blogs of the Daily Kos variety are already having a field day with this.

It kind of sucks in a way to be young conservative leaning, as everything you do is apparently held to a higher standard. Apparently, as long as you're a Democrat like Congressman Barney Frank, having sexual relationships with gay hookers named "Steve" are perfectly normal.

You see, it's easy to be a Democrat when you lower your standards.

Youtube Comedy Gold

2008-08-31T12:57:00.000-07:00

Be like Fred and Barney: Take a "Winston Break."

WTF News

2008-08-29T12:22:00.000-07:00

5 reasons why nursery rhymes are evil.

Some N.O. residents can't or won't leave, because "Fuck it, I'm out of here" is still not as good as, "I think I'll stay, since it worked out so great the first time."

Michael Moore hurricane Gustav during Republican Convention: "Proof that there's a god in heaven."

Now that gay marriage is legal in California the inmates are going to get in on the action.

Youtube Commercial Comedy Gold

2008-08-29T07:03:00.000-07:00

WTF News

2008-08-29T05:03:00.000-07:00

Arkansas Obama delegates coming back from "Hopefest '08" realize that, in the end, they still have to him elected. Where is your Hope now, bitches?

Business at Denver strip clubs lackluster during the DNC. Why don't the Democrats support single moms?

Hottest selling disaster supply item in hurricane-threatened New Orleans? Rifles

HIV is spreading through New York at three times the national rate, which makes for a nice addition to all the herpes.

The DA lost her home to forclosure. The mayor, whom she is prosecuting, can't pay his legal bills. Welcome to the great city of Detroit: where the most fiscally responsible are drug dealers.

Army Barrackses in Fort Chaffee, AR to house possible evacuees again, because the Superdome didn't suck enough the first time.

Merely News

2008-08-29T04:59:00.000-07:00

Secret Service security sweep of Mitt Romney's family to protect against hate groups, former owners of AMC Pacers and Gremlins still pissed at his dad. Possible VP pic?

WTF?

2008-08-15T22:19:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I'm mixing up daily fail stories with stuff WTFworthy. I worked the past 2 weeks straight, so give me a break:

L.A. City council is forcing Home Depot and other home improvement stores to provide shelter to day laborers, 95% of which are, you guessed it, are illegal.

Fight at a 7-11 involving one guy, several women, Mace, a can of peanuts, and about two dozen braided hair extensions "strewn across the parking lot."

United States military is funding research into the reading of minds. Being as this is sort of unexplored territory, you would think they would give more than 4 million, but alas, no.

Virginia town holds "Sheep and Goat Olympics", because creating a site like this is actually merely the second lowest point in boredom.

Thought of the day...

2008-08-14T20:23:00.000-07:00

If gay men can go to to the men's room, why can't straight men go to the Ladies room?

The Daily Fail

2008-08-13T17:44:00.000-07:00

American Airlines supports the troops -- for an extra $300 charge per duffel bag, that is.

Mugshot and surveillance video of Colorado's phony "porn inspector"

During the DNC, Al-Jazeera will spotlight Colorado town where Coors is brewed. Once again showing they'll do anything to make the US look bad.

In response to recent violence, authorities have imposed a 24-hour curfew on the city, enforced by roadblocks manned by paramilitary forces carrying M-16s and M-4s. Is this a) Baghdad, Iraq, b) Tbilisi, Georgia, or c) Helena, Arkansas?

Finally, a case worthy of the U.S. Supreme Court's time: whether a 5th grader's candy canes are religiously offensive.

Burger King employee -- caught taking a nude bath in restaurant's utility sink -- gives himself the most appropriate nickname ever: "Mr. Unstable." Or, as his friends call him, "Mr. Unemployed”

House in Detroit sells for $1. That way, you’ll be able to spring extra bucks for the new ballistic vest you will need while you live in Detroit.

The Daily Fail

2008-08-09T00:45:00.000-07:00

Liberal Arkansas political columnist finally realizes that the only thing worse than being a Republican in Arkansas Democratic politics is being an African-American-anybody. I'm sure glad the Democratic Party of Arkansas took care of that Racism thingy in the past 200 years of state control.

Epic fail, with Irony high-fiving Orval Faubus.

Two men in Arkansas Mexican restaurant company arrested for harboring illegal aliens and funneling money. Because there are absolutely no others around here. None at all.

Black Democratic congressional candidate from Memphis wishes her white incumbent (and also Democratic) rival a good race in which they can debate the hard-hitting issues….

FWAWAHAHAHAHAHA … Got you. She made a TV ad placing images of him next to the Klu Klux Klan. Super fail bonus: the white guy is also kind of Jewish.

Obama's Muslim coordinator resigns because he is connected to Hamas terrorist group. Epic fail, with Irony doing post-game victory dance.

The Daily Fail

2008-08-07T07:24:00.000-07:00

Today comes with a real doozy, as apparently forgetting a ghost site can bite you in the ass years later. It has been shut down due to server collaspe literally a few hours ago, so heres the rehosted site.

Now look at the upper right corner of the site.

epic fail, school webmaster, or should I say win?

Moqtada al-Sadr has finally decided to give up. Congrats troops, the final bitch has been owned.

How many cheerleaders can fit inside an elevator? Answer: not 26.

Congratulations Ohio for garnering four slots on the Forbes 10 fastest dying cities in the US list.

Sorry

2008-08-07T07:19:00.000-07:00

I had to work on my wife's birthday gift yesterday. That is all.

Same-Sex Marriage, Universal Buttsex, and Morman Extremists. Same Freakshows

2008-08-05T20:19:00.000-07:00

As the butt pirate lobby strives for Universal Buttsex, apparently everyone has completely bypassed the irony in what should be a normal, legal marriage. There is apparently growing support of a marriage between one man and another man, but yet, everyone thinks that polygamist marriages are still weird as hell.

Step back for a second and think about it.

Man + Woman= Fine

Man + 2 Women= Freak show

2 Men + Woman= WTF

Man + Man = Fine?

We've went one step up and two steps backs folks. The Buttsecks lobby is wrong, just as the Fundamental Church of Latter-Day Saints is when they say they're all for "Big Love" as long as no more kiddies are involved. You're both outta your fucking minds.

And I want my whip and leather vest back, dammit.

The Daily Fail

2008-08-05T18:34:00.001-07:00

-Chinese Restaurant uses online translator for Name of Restaurant and makes mistake of assuming "Translate Server Error" was supposed to be the result.

-When skateboarding on a roof, watch out for skylights.

-Greyhound cancels ad Manitoba campaign promising "there's a reason you've never heard of bus rage."

-Copper thieves: God's gift to dumb crook news.

-How can SWAT screw a drug raid up? A) Bust the mayor in his underwear. B) Decline to arrest anyone once they realize he's the mayor. C) Shoot both his dogs, including the one that was running away. D) All of the above

Beebe on Drilling

2008-08-05T07:28:00.000-07:00

In another great act of irony, Democratic Governor Mike Beebe has stated his support for drilling in Arkansas Wildlife Management Areas.

I have to ask, do liberal Democrats in Arkansas ever voice notable dissent in cases where Arkansas Democrat politicians are obviously taking advantage of them? How does a liberal in Paragould in the 1990s vote for Tim Wooldridge, a state legislator who was much more conservative than a lot of local Republicans, and had seriously mentioned re-introducing public execution?

I guess as easily as Mike Beebe accepted the nut job's endorsement.

Awww, my first WTF?! segment

2008-08-02T23:25:00.000-07:00

New Arkansas political news has reached my ears. As Hillary Clinton's beat down in the primaries finished, it became clear that Arkansas would be nowhere close to a swing state statues, and state democrats are left scrambling, not to mention leaving Marion Berry in the most possible awkward political position of a White Democrat from Stuttgart, Arkansas.... EVER.

You would think this would completely break open a chance for the RPA to shatter records, do the unthinkable and turn red counties in eastern Arkansas that don't even have a stable Republican County Committee, but you would be assuming Arkansas politics wasn't on crack.

It seems that since the 1st Congressional District, in it's first chance to be won by a Republican presidential candidate, will NOT get a regional headquarters. The nearest one for the most part will be in Searcy, about 3 hours drive from several of the larger county committees in the 1st district. Meanwhile, Searcy is less than an hour from the Little Rock State HQ.

The RPA's logic is this is that they are focusing their resources on local campaigns, while taking comfort in the political assplosion on the state democrat's end(so to speak).

The thing is that the 1st District has never been accessible to Republicans. Ever. So why on earth would you possibly squander that?

Jim Bob's Bait Shop

I still have a blog?

Notes on Texas and more.

More or Less Back in the Game (Maybe?)

Friday's Horrible Movie of the week

Breaking "Puppy Man" News in USF-Tampa lockdown

Breaking Weird Ass News

News You Can't Possibly Use

Sunday's... Friday's Movie of the Week?

The Hawaii Chair

Whisky Tango Foxtrot...

News You Can't Possibly Use

Friday's Horrible Movie of the Week

News You Can't Possibly Use

News You Can't Possibly Use

Friday's Horrible Movie of the week

Another magic trick from Congressman Berry: Undervalue your house's value by $500,000 my "mistake"

Not Voting: The Magical Way to Solve All You Political Problems!

The Nuclear Option Against Affirmative Action

"The Hurt Locker"

Army update and more news...

Youtube Gold

Excuses... Excuses

No Justice in the World

New News

Newsiness

Newsiness

News you can't use*

News you can't use. Not yours.

whew...

News besides me being a dad...

I'm a daddy.

Tragedy, Chaos, Persevereance, and my pimpin' new Marquis

Local News...

Youtube Comedy Gold presents: Poor Chinese baby...

Reason #74 about not updating: I'm having a baby...

Greene County Democrats Snub Obama and DNC on Donor Dough

News

More posters...

status of US Airways Jet that crashed at La Guardia...

The Barack Obama... yarmulke.

News

HI! I'M BILLY MAYS AND I'M GOING TO ANNOY YOU FOR 60 SECONDS!

New Year's News

2008 vote research part 3: Trouble in Berryville

News for today

101.9 Kiss FM Down the Tubes?

My president has "catlike speed and reflexes."

The first Mountain Dew commercial

Sunday news...

Operation Blue Falcon: The Groves Election Night Fiasco

Arelection.org data continues...

News you can't use. Not yours.

Youtube, Camera Phones, Beer, Borat, and Why Life as We Know it is Already Doomed

Burger Virgins... and barely legal.

December's first batch...

News

It's past midnight after Thanksgiving night...

Best Classified Ad... ever.

I attacked multiple government targets in the 1970s and all I got was this lousy t-shirt from "Earthbound"

Midnight news?

quick election notes

WTF News

YAY FOR CHANGE!

In the News

New news?

I'm having trouble with the current news links I have...

Congressman Berry: Epic Fail

Youtube Comedy Gold

Arkansas Voting...

News you can't use. Not yours.

That was the part where you simply run, Mark.

College Reorientation Time

I'm back...

Youtube Comedy Gold

WTF News

Democrats: When your standards are lower, how can you have scandals?

Youtube Comedy Gold

WTF News

Youtube Commercial Comedy Gold